Judytalks's Blog

Grief Support A Critical Need

judytalks — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 18:06:03 +0000

Saturday I completed a training program to become a grief facilitator at an excellent center for grieving children. All family members are included and program activies are specific for each age level, including adults. The center is for support, not therapy, and allows as many weeks/months as each family feels they need.

There are more centers, more grief groups, more books, and more programs today than were available ten or fifteen years ago. However, the grieving community remains a hugely underserved demographic in our society. Somehow, we fail to realize the fact of loss, which may include death, divorce, desertion, loss of homes, jobs, and financial security.

I write continually about this subject in books, articles, and my blog. My goal is to educate and inspire, and also to give practical information for dealing with the aspects of loss and bereavement.

The statistics surrounding incomplete healing from loss boggle the mind.

Physical illness
Mental illness
Addiction to drugs and/or alcohol
Incarceration
Abuse
Inability to form healthy relationships
Inability to hold a job
The devastation to individuals, families, and society in general is enormous.

Finding information to become more aware and to learn basic skills in helping yourself or others may take a bit of research. If your community education program doesn’t include grief and recovery, ask for such a class. Senior centers, retirement communities, faith based facilities, and libraries all have ideal locations and space for such programs. Ask for them.

I’m a firm believer that death education should come before-not after- the fact. Death knocks on every door. Each person, every family needs and deserves simple understanding and preparation in the event of a tragedy. It’s a starting point, certainly not complete, but is foundational to healthier mourning and a sense of healing.

As always, I wish you well.
Judy

Lifelong Learning

judytalks — Tue, 25 Jan 2011 18:23:33 +0000

I am experiencing a very busy week as a participant in an intensive learning program to become a grief facilitator.

The classes have been highly informative, yet relaxed and enjoyable. The anticipated opportunity to work with children and families in a supportive capacity as they grieve fills me with a little apprehension and lots of wonder.

My family experienced loss and mourning twenty years ago this month. There was far less available in the way of help and support. Today, individuals and families may receive the comfort and support they need to truly grieve and to heal.

Meanwhile, I continue to write and look for places to educate. Drop me a line on my website.

Have a wonderful day,

Judy

Wrapping up the Week

judytalks — Sat, 22 Jan 2011 04:32:43 +0000

Friday has always been my “crash” day. It was date night in high school – movie and a pizza. In college the books were shoved in a corner and the evening devoted to unwinding.

It’s many years later, but I cling to the Friday night ritual of wrapping up the week. Grief concerns this week focused on writing a booklet for grappling with the immediate aftermath of death and loss. I’m in the editing stage now. I also entered my book, A Child’s Grief Surviving the Death of a Parent in a couple book award contests. We’ll see…..

As the week winds down, I have an all-day training session tomorrow. I’m excited to dig in. The new year is promising to be more focused and in-depth than last year. Better decisions means more contentment.

Hope your week was fruitful.

Judy

Opportunity to Connect

judytalks — Tue, 18 Jan 2011 23:03:05 +0000

I’m always looking for ways to connect with people of all and any ages to share grief experiences. A few months ago I discovered a wonderful opportunity to work with children who are mourning the death of a loved one.

New Song Center for Grieving Children offers a training program to become a grief facilitator, and I will begin training this Saturday. I am eagerly anticipating this new venture in my life. Working with young children has been a source of great joy for me, as a preschool teacher and as a volunteer in a variety of organizations. I am looking forward to this opportunity to again connect with youngsters.

The subject of grief is ongoing in our society. Though the immediate impact of the violence in Tucson has begun to subside, the pain, grief, and adjustment have just begun. No one is ever the same after such trauma. We can learn how to help one another, whether friend, family or stranger.

Listen, really listen when someone expresses feelings or ideas.
Comfort by acknowledging their situation.
Support by helping with simple, everyday things.

Follow my new venture with New Song. I’ll post often.

I wish you well.
Judy

Tragedy and Staying Strong

judytalks — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 22:27:46 +0000

I last wrote about the violent assassination attempt on a Congresswoman in Tucson, AZ. Though I knew none of the persons who were struck, wounded, or killed, I was deeply affected. The element of feeling secure when out and about – at a supermarket, no less- is shattered in light of this incident. But the larger fact to consider are the extreme emotions felt by individuals who commit these crimes.

To share the genuine grief of those personally involved is simpler than to actually mourn for a loved one.

Those who help grieving people encourage openness and regular expression of their emotions, as a means of receiving comfort and healing. It takes strength to do this. Standing tall, acknowledging their deep pain, and mourning openly will yield healing, and give confidence for moving forward. But is takes time.

I wish us well, those of us who have witnessed tragedy. I especially send love and prayers to those who have experienced personally the loss of a life too dear to them.

Judy

A Sober Look at the Faces of Death

judytalks — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 00:04:36 +0000

The New Year has begun and my goals and plans are made for new business ventures and writing opportunities. I decided to blog today because I had neglected this enjoyable way of communicating, as busyness crowded my time during the holidays. Christmas, for me, is filled with joy and happiness that comes from the closeness of family and friends.

I signed on to the internet and, there, in bold headlines was the shocking news of a shooting in Tucson, in which a congresswoman had been shot in the head. In all, 18 people were hit, 6 were dead, and the gunman apprehended.

I don’t report news of this kind, as a rule. I tell people of the sadness and despair that follows the death of a loved one, regardless of the circumstances. My concern and expertise are tied to emotional upheaval and the need to put a loved one to rest. Comfort and healing are the necessary ingredients for survivors when a life is lost.

As I listened to the news reports, the tears came and a deep feeling of sadness enveloped me. My childhood was spent in a small town, and at a time, when shootings, street violence, and random killings were not frequent occasions. The people who lost loved ones today will need support and comfort for a long time. Those who were injured may be traumatized for many years.

Regardless of how a death occurs, there are warm, loving, and effective means for helping the bereaved.
Listen.
Affirm their feelings.
Spend time with them, preferably in person, but otherwise, by phone.
Assure them that you care and can be counted on for support.
Plan short activities out and about that are relaxing.

My personal goal for 2011 is to stay strong and give more.
My business goal for 2011 is to learn more and reach more.

Here goes, New Year!
Cheers to everyone.
Judy

The Season of Giving

judytalks — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 18:26:31 +0000

Holidays are a time to celebrate, to spread good cheer, prepare special dishes, and give gifts to those we love.
For the past week, I’ve been decorating the house, putting up the tree, and taking my holiday treasures out of their boxes. I have decorative things I made, that were given me, or some I simply bought because it appealed to me. Most of my things, though, are hand made. They get a little the worse for wear after many years, so they are wrapped in tissue or towels from holiday to holiday.
But no matter what general condition an item may be in, the real value lies in the memories it evokes. Where did it come from, how long ago, and what people and occasions are brought to mind?
Some things have sad memories attached to them, things received in a year of stress or the death of a loved one. There may be mourning during the holidays, no matter how festive your home or how special the holiday you’re celebrating.
For people newly bereaved, spreading joy may seem impossible. Let others do the honors, while you lovingly share poignant memories of happy times and past celebrations with your loved one. This may serve as a reminder to others, to cherish the time we have together and keep those treasures safe from too much wear and tear.

Happy Holidays,
Judy

Giving Thanks

judytalks — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 18:59:30 +0000

The days before Thanksgiving always found me deep into my recipes and shopping lists, as I prepared for this wonderful holiday. This year it is much simpler. I know how to make a turkey dinner, my guest list is very small, and I have much to celebrate.
The past year my family saw the same difficulties as nearly everyone in the country, including losses of jobs, pets, and finances. We managed to survive, somewhat the worse for wear, but wiser, and grateful for help from one another.
Today I’m at work doing business as usual. Writing and speaking about grief and loss takes time and thought as I ponder how best to approach people with comfort, hope, and solid solutions. Sorrow and bewilderment fill the minds of the bereaved, and the holiday season can be extremely painful. My own experience as a survivor, as well as my research on these subjects, tell me that celebrating can be a time for drawing closer to friends and family members who simply offer comfort and companionship. Make allowances for your emotional and energy levels and enjoy a traditional holiday that renews your spirit.

I wish you well.
Judy

Reaching Your Audience Writing and Speaking

judytalks — Sat, 30 Oct 2010 18:25:15 +0000

Writers are told to show, don’t tell when developing plot in a fictional piece. The same rule applies to non-fiction writing. My books and articles on grief, loss, and healing are filled with real-life experiences, including my own. I interview people who have survived the death of a loved one, researched studies that include many such instances, and talk with professionals about the general aspects of bereavement.
I love the writing process. Knowing someone can read and re-read my words of comfort, support, and practical information defines my purpose. But the most personal way to connect is in live talks, face to face, book in hand, and sharing what I know with those in need.
The subject of grief is scary and unpleasant to many people. But the fact of loss and pain is very real. The more we know going in, the better we hopefully will come out at the end of our mourning process.
As I begin to strike out and connect with people “live and in person” I plan to make these subjects palatable, relaxed, and filled with positive resources for my audience. Managing pain and moving forward doesn’t mean leaving your loved one behind; it means putting that person to rest so you can sustain a purposeful life. Survivors help others to heal and to grow.

I wish you well,
Judy

Exposure – Is This Going To Hurt?

judytalks — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 18:43:02 +0000

Putting yourself out there just smacks of risk, pain, and embarrassment. It takes a thick skin to tell people who you are, what you care about, and why they should trust you.
As a survivor, writer, and teacher on subjects of grief and loss, I understand the vulnerability of those in the mourning process. I need to lead gently, but to elicit a response , I also need to persuade. Without a response, no one benefits.
In looking at the websites and magazine copy of those doing similar work as mine, I’m happy to see a variety of backgrounds and intentions, as well as many areas of loss being covered. These include trauma, early grief, understanding loss, moving forward, and healing. When I lost my husband 20 years ago, there was far less available. That’s what prompted my writing on the subject.
Today, there are workshops, articles, books, grief groups, and camps for children. What could be better than offering resources for everyone experiencing sorrow, and that includes all of us.
I’m putting myself out there to connect with the grieving community, prioritizing their need for comfort and support. In doing so, I intend to impart a sense of hope, the beginning of healing and growth.

Be well,
Judy